I committed “purgery” again today. The last time I wrote about this crime of the closet was May 1st. I am early this year because my house is under contract and I have no choice. I will be moving and moving on and so I decided to give myself a pity, I mean purgery party. This time I tackled my closets with a different attitude. It wasn’t about a season change or a wardrobe change, it was about a life change. I asked myself what I wanted to take with me into the next stage of my life. What attachments did I have to any of these things that I have stored away and have survived previous purges? What purpose did they fill and will they fit into my next closet(s) which undoubtedly will be much smaller. I tossed them into different categories too: charity, consignment, for a friend who likes my hand-me-downs, toss and save. I had to go around about three or four times through all of the closets that I have occupied. Each time I looked again at an item that I had passed the first time and hesitated one more time. Did I love this when I bought it? Where was I? Where did I wear it? Was his hand on my thigh the last time I wore those pants? Was it a compulsive purchase? A band-aid? A gift? Did he caress my shoulder in that strapless dress? Did it make me feel better owning it, or acquiring it? Did I hang on to it just because I was used to wearing it, even if it didn’t flatter me? These were not easy questions as I often shopped to fill a void. Now that I recognize the void, can I just sit with it for awhile? The gravity and the pull of those older
memories items was palpable.
I managed to fill about a dozen bags this time and even included boxes of shoes. It didn’t hurt. It felt liberating. Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It is a process, this saying “good-bye ” to a way of life. The heaviness of the memories associated with some of the items was lifted and I feel a new space where I can breathe more deeply and open myself to the intangible. I did not toss out old friends and memories, I just made room for those that I have.